In light of the kerfuffle over the 'new' astrological sign Ophiuchus, and in the absence of a prediction from Duncan McMonagle, I post my own horoscopes for the next 7 days, as determined by making sentences out of random words found in the French dictionary I use at work:
Leo: Multiple deadlines have you panic-stricken today. Relax, don't be afraid to delegate, and focus on one task at a time to get everything done.
Aries: You have no cause for complaint today, Aries. Everything is going your way. Just make sure to thank the people who helped smooth your way, or else the future might be a lot more difficult.
Taurus: Friends are clinging to you like parasites today. They all need something from you! If you’re in a giving mood, feel free to help out – but make sure you save some time for yourself, or you’ll feel burnt out.
Gemini: Technical difficulties at work have you feeling burnt out today. Unwind tonight – have drinks with friends or watch a movie with someone special.
Aquarius: You’re feeling mischievous this afternoon. As long as you don’t take the pranks too far, your ideas could be fun for friends, family, or even coworkers.
Scorpio: Important plans will end up cancelled tonight. It’s ok! Plan something spontaneous of your own: It’s sure to have positive and fun results.
Cancer: Things don’t seem to make sense today, and a lot of things feel out of place. Take a step back, and look at the bigger picture. The puzzle pieces will then start to come together.
Capricorn: You’ve been invited to do something fun this weekend! Prepare adequately today, or else the fun might quickly turn into an emergency.
Libra: You’re in unfamiliar surroundings. Pay attention! There might not be a rulebook to follow, but there are plenty of nuances you need to pick up on to find your way around.
Virgo: It’s been an exhausting week, and you need some time to yourself. Take a catnap, indulge your creative side by painting or taking photographs, or get outdoors and enjoy nature.
Sagittarius: A dose of prevention is worth a pound of cure, so take a careful look at what’s on your plate today. Is there anything you can do to ease the weight of your schedule? If so, put those plans into action right away. You’ll be grateful later on!
Ophiuchus: You’ve been eyeing a certain job or position for some time now. Guess what? That desk is yours! Now, the only question is: How are you going to celebrate?
Pisces: A change of career is in your future. You’ve been thinking about relocating to a more rural setting, and now’s the time to put those plans in motion. Good luck!