ATTENTION STUDENTS! The Textbook Comfort Index

My friend Bryan McIntosh and I came up with this important textbook rating system when we were both undergrad students at the University of Winnipeg (I was an English student, he a Physics student). I'm reposting it here to help you all estimate the TRUE value of our Photoshop CS4 textbook (haha! kidding), as well as any other textbooks you may have encountered.

ATTENTION STUDENTS!

Most reviewers out there rate textbooks based on criteria such as completeness of information, supplementary materials, organization, readability, and all that other boring stuff. We've decided to create a new way of reviewing textbooks based on what students REALLY care about: how comfortable the damn thing is when you're so bored and exhausted you pass out on it.
We present:

THE CONOLLY/McINTOSH TEXTBOOK COMFORT INDEX (TCI for all you abbrev. fanatics out there)


We rank textbooks from 1-5 on the following essential variables:

1. SOFTNESS:
--when push comes to shove and your head hits the book, you're gonna get a rude awakening you don't deserve unless your text performs well here.

A score of 5: The cover is padded.
A score of 1: The cover feels like a spike-studded cement brick.


2. DROOL ABSORBENCY:
--forget Bounty: the quicker picker-upper, your text should be able to withstand anything from the pen you dropped to the glass of coffee you knocked over.

A score of 5: It stops floodwaters.
A score of 1: It leaked when you removed its packaging.


3: THICKNESS:
--a thicker book decreases the angle of the neck to make for a more comfortable "study break."

A score of 5: IT'S OMG XBOX HUGE!!11!
A score of 1: It disappears if turned sideways.


4. PERSONAL PROTECTION:
--Textbooks can be used as weapons by the clever student...if they're dangerous enough.

A score of 5: It requires a permit and government certification.
A score of 1: It won't even give you a papercut.


5. PAGE TEXTURE:
--it's one thing if the cover's all cushy, but what if you're bored to sleep while the book's open?

A score of 5: The paper is aloe-infused.
A score of 1: It can be used to sand your deck.


6. BACKPACKABILITY:
--if it's this comfy, you're gonna wanna take it everywhere to...ah...study hard. But
can you?

A score of 5: So easy to carry, you forget it's there.
A score of 1: It digs into your spine like an alien parasite while being carried.


7. ATTRACTIVENESS:
--because you can't study what you can't look at...

A score of 5: It stops traffic...AND gets more dates than you do.
A score of 1: It's gaudier than Cher.


So how do your textbooks rate? Let us know, chances are you might see us in one of your classes if your book rates really well...and if you don't, we're probably in the library, fast asleep on top of it.